I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
