Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
