I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
