I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
