for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
