It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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