Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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