Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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