It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
