There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
