Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
