Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
