Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
