dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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