Pappa wants mamma naked
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
