Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
