Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
