Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
