I wish I could teleport
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
