Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
