mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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