tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
