Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
