I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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