I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
