Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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