I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
