oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
