I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
