Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
