Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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