I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
