Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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