You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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