yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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