Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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