I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is wine microwaveable?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize