Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize