Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
