Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
