Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize