I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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