Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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