so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
