Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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