I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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