Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
