i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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