none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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