Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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