He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
