I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
