ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
