My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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