Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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