birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Panties = found
Randomize
