I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
