two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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