making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize