blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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