on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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