i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
