You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
