Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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