Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
