that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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