If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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