okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
