You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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