Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
